So instead of making me feel bad for not posting anything in the last few weeks, perhaps instead you should realize how much stuff has been going on in the sports world. Let's go to the tape:
THE FIRST PLACE CINCINNATI REDS
As I type this, the Reds are getting shellacked by the Royals 5-2 in the 7th inning, so maybe this isn't the exact right time to start getting all giddy about this team. They're in first by 1.5 games and will remain there regardless of the Arizona/St. Louis outcome later today. It's fun to be in first, but it also makes watching them struggle that much more frustrating. Their starting pitching has been so-so as of late, and their bullpen is extremely rickity. If this team is to remain in contention past the All-Star break, they are going to need to make a trade for a quality reliever or two to shore up the mess that Nick Masset, Danny Ray Herrera, Enerio Del Rosario and (ugh) Francisco Cordero consistently leave behind. Hey Chicago White Sox, can we have Bobby Jenks? or maybe J.J. Putz? Anyways, on we go.
THE STANLEY CUP CHAMPION CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS
Kyle and Ben Wills will surely have something to say about this historic championship, so I'll keep this short. The Blackhawks didn't make it look easy, but they certainly made
Chris Pronger look like a huge gaping twat, which is always hilarious. It's been 49 years since the 'Hawks last raised the cup, and I for one think that it's heartening to see them be able to do it again. This was the Flyers sixth lost opportunity to win it all in recent years, and though one might think that's a bad thing, I for one think that Philly fans are actually more entertaining when their teams get their guts ripped out at the last second.
NEBRASKA IN THE BIG TEN AND THE DEATH OF THE BIG 12
As a friend of mine once said to me after watching a mutual buddy of ours take a header down a flight of stairs, "Well, that happened." So Nebraska is now a part of the Big Ten. Is it a good thing? Of course. With 12 teams in the conference there will now be a Big Ten Championship game, the recruiting will get better across the board and we get to revel in a yearly Iowa vs. Nebraska matchup. Meanwhile, the Big 12 is turfing out harder than
Kelsey Grammer. After all is said and done, the conference may end up losing up to eight teams, which would drastically change their direction and possibly send them the way of
Crystal Pepsi. The Pac-10 looks to be the biggest winner in all this as they may end up getting Texas, Oklahoma, Texas Tech, Texas A&M and Oklahoma State to go along with already added Colorado. Each school brings with them quality football, baseball and basketball programs and will help take away some of the effects that the
major fisting of USC brought upon the conference. There's sure to be more movement by the end of the summer, so we'll stay tuned to see where the chips fall.
SPEAKING OF THE MAJOR FISTING OF USC...
It's fucking awesome, isn't it? Pete Carroll can try to play it off all he wants, but that arrogant douchebag's extremely fortuitous timing in his jump to the NFL leads one to believe that he knew all to well that his "storied" football program was about to take it right in the taint. The NCAA finally decided to take off its dress and put on its ass-kicking boots and dealt the USC football program a dizzying uppercut. How dizzying? Howabout this: no post season games for two years, the loss of 30 -- count 'em -- 30 football scholarships, and the possible stripping of both the 2004 BCS Championship and Reggie Bush's 2005 Heisman Trophy. Now, lord knows there are plenty of college programs who do not adhere to the NCAA rules, and lord knows that USC wasn't some kind of trend setter in this department, but it's nice to see that the NCAA is trying to set a precedent that it will no longer take this kind of bullshit laying down.
THE GODDAMN WORLD CUP
We are now three days into the World Cup. The United States played England to a 1-1 draw yesterday on the back of one of
the most unbelievable goalie fuck-ups in World Cup history. Germany is currently wiping the floor with Australia and, well, I don't know, it's only the first weekend, no one has looked all that great and Spain is still the favorite, so we'll see. What must be talked about are the holy-fucking-shit-please-god-break-them-all vuvuzelas. What are vuvuzelas? Well if you have watched any of the games thus far, you've probably noticed a droning buzz acting as a soundtrack during every moment of every match. That buzz? Yup, that's a vuvuzela. It's some kind of South African horn. I mean, yeah, I get it, it's a part of the host country's culture and all but HOLY CHRIST. The cocophony of terrible noise that 20,000 of those fucking things makes is absolutely out of hand. It ruins the fun of watching the games. They need to ban them from the stadiums. More chanting and cheering, less sounds of a fly trying to rape my eardrum.
THE NBA FINALS
Mark my words, this series is going to go seven games. You know why? Because it's BOSTON VERSUS L.A. AND IT HAS TO. Other things it has to do: suck huge sweaty donkey balls. It may go the distance, but each game will be more boring than the last. The NBA Playoffs are becoming more like the WWE with every passing minute. Two days off between games? Really? Boston fans chanting "Beat L.A." at a Red Sox game during which they were playing the Philadelphia Phillies? The media questioning Ron Artest's effort after game 2 only to praise it after game 3 only to insult it again after game 4? ugh. What a lame, lame, lame series this has been. I hate both of these teams, I hate their star players, I hate their bench and I HATE DOC RIVERS. Anyways, game 5 is tonight. Be there or be square.
...So that's the state of sports right now as I see it, more later, little campers.
-Terrence Adams
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