FANTASY. SPORTS. DEATH. RACE.

Fantasy.  FAHntasy.  Fantasy SPORTS.  Well, not all sports, just baseball and football.  You're not gonna catch me delving into the wooly and wild world of fantasy golf, which, like, what kind of heroin addict thinks that's a productive way to spend your time?  Not me, man.  But then again, I'm not a heroin addict, so maybe I'm in the wrong here.  It's possible.  At least feasible.  Anyways, yeah, I got some fantasy stuff to talk about, so sit tight and for CHRIST'S SAKE STOP CHEWING THAT TRAIL MIX WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN!!!

FANTASY BASEBALL.  I'm in two leagues and as I write this I am in the playoffs in both.  Well, I'm currently getting BEAT LIKE AN ALCOHOLIC'S CHILD in both, to be more specific.  

Adrian Beltre, I hate you.  Joe Mauer, I hate you.  And the rest of you in both my teams: you are the biggest bunch of underachieving underwear skid marks known to man.  Seriously, Martin Prado, you are killing me.  Last year you were a beautiful rainbow of stats.  You made me dry hump ESPN Magazine and I DESPISE that magazine. 


But this year?  Not a chance in hell.  You know what?  The weird thing is, regardless of my angst, my teams really aren't that bad, just victims of bad luck.  Things can change.  Things can always change. 


(things are not going to change)


FANTASY FOOTBALL.  I had two drafts over the Labor Day weekend.  I am scared at the results.  I feel very confident in my teams which means they will both tank in spectacular fashion.  In my pay league I'm relying on the likes of Rashard Mendenhall and the resurgence of one Plaxico Burress to guide me into glory.  Mendenhall will most likely have a solid season but Burress is my sleeper this year.  He might be terrible.  He might be the saving grace of my year that will lead me to money money money.  I'm talking real money.  I'm talking about the kind of money that will buy me a Kindle with a little left over for a crystal meth festival. 


Basically I feel like I've been staring at the Yahoo Sports page non stop for the past three weeks.  I've been reading injury reports.  I've been looking at mock drafts.  I've been baseball stats and quality September call ups.  I feel like a machine.  I sports machine.  Insert reference here. 


I will be updating this blog with my fantasy results throughout the baseball playoffs and football season.  I'm going to be letting you into my lair.  You will see my insanity.  You will be sad.  You will be manic.  You will be putting me on your 'to kill' list. 


I'm not scared.  You shouldn't be either. 

Onward

-Terrence